Do not miss to send empty envelop for feedback purpose. Also be patient and do not be hasty for seeking an early reply please.
Sister-in-law has rights too:
Letter: My mother-in-law is very old one and can’t perform chores but is very fond of inviting guests. For example, her daughter and her husband alongwith all children visit our home regularly every Sunday. Above all, sisters of my mother-in-law also come. I expressed my wish of arranging a separate home to my husband but he turned angry, as he loves her sister very much. He neither can mould her sister and does not care for me. I also go to my parent’s home every Sunday and none of my in-laws interfere or criticize. But I feel pressure psychologically and suffer from dizziness, headache, irritation, weakness etc. (Letter from Ms. Farah, Islamabad)
Advice: Similar to how you go to your parent’s home, likewise, your Nand has also right to come to her parent’s home. If your mother-in-law is old, she only should be served, assisted and cannot be asked to do something. It is your ill attitude to become angry and criticize her. Give honour to the guests and serve as good as possible. Refrain from going to your parent’s home on the day when guests are coming. Rather, choose Friday for your parent’s home. Moreover, to serve as a host, fulfilling due rights of relatives, giving honour and serving to guests, buzurgs (old ones) are such simple & easy deeds that someone should not neglect and avoid. The reasons behind your disturbance are also that you consider the things wrong which actually are right. Your view point that your husband does not care for you is not seem true. Actually your desire may be undue because to leave the old mother alone in an isolated home is very odd, since it is the foremost responsibility of your husband to serve and care for her. You, in addition to serving your mother-in-law, should also serve and care for your husband. If all family members shall take care of discharging their due responsibilities and giving rights to each other, it will cultivate purity, sincerity instead of irritation. When mankind does something only & only to meet Allah Almighty’s wishes, it gives them peace of heart and mind. However you may consult with doctor for other body problems like headache, dizziness. This way, you may improve and feel better.
Your thinking is unique.
Letter : It is routine practice in our family to get engaged in childhood. My engagement was also made with the daughter of my phoopi (sister of father) in my childhood but when I grew young, her brother engagement terminated the engagement. I was busy in doing business with my father; meanwhile she was married to other educated boy. Therefore, I am in so much rage that cannot explain. Now, her brother is getting married and I am thinking to point out to his In-Laws that how bad, liar people are they who do not care to honour their words, promises made. I am thinking to teach them lesson this way. I feel relaxed on thinking about their worry.
Advice : Your view point is unique one. It is true that their behavior dis-hearted you but try to understand, even then they secure their right to make own decisions freely and marry their girl at own place of choice. During this period although you felt a lot of irritation but it was good that you did not think to tease them. It is suggested to agree to your parent’s choice of proposed girl with the confidence that this girl will be much better for you. Also pay attention that these days a lot of heredity diseases are emerging in case of marrying within family circle. Hence, whatever happened is the right one (Khawar Siddiqui, Sawat)
Such people cannot adjust anywhere:
Letter: During my childhood, my father had been reprimanding me a lot. In reaction, I had been slapping my face myself, but could not understand, why? On this, my mother had been stopping me from doing so and taking me in her lap. I do not know what happened later that my mother died and I had to live alone with my father & brother. They both neglected me and I went to my Khala (sister of my mother). My father got married again and my brother left home, as well. Now my Khala is seeking proposal for me but I am not having any interest in my future life. I have been a constant disappointed girl. I dint even continue my education after matriculation. Khala warns me of becoming a psychological patient as such persons cannot adjust anywhere (Nishat, Multan)
Advice : Actually since early life, you had to face harsh and neglectful behaviour of your father, due to which you have been remaining in anger and above all express this anger upon yourself. It is your negative attitude to consider one low and punish own self. This may lead to inferiority complex in you. If you analyze your life correctly, when you were facing reprimand & harsh behavior of your father, the other side of you was availing affection of your mother and then of Khaala. But unfortunately, more than this affection, you remained feeling yourself being neglected which is dominating so far. Anyhow whatever happened, now it is the need of time to make your life peaceful and pleasant. For cultivating interests in your future life, you will have to create interests in the present life. For the purpose, you will have to eliminate everlasting hopelessness, depression and create happiness, excitement, enthusiasm. Considering yourself inferior is not only bad but also expresses un-gratefulness to Allah Almighty. All those who do not like themselves, cannot give happiness to others. It is a fact that all parents reprimand and express anger upon their children, but all those children when grow young, do correct their angle of thinking. It is advised to you to like yourself and others around you.
