Complicated letters and simple answers of worried and unstable homes. It is essential to send reply envelope with complete address. Don’t be hasty for reply. She did not understand me: My first marriage was a failure. I got married the second time after one year. I changed myself somewhat this time but I still can’t bear hunger. If the meal is not ready on time, I go to the kitchen and break on or two utensils. After I have vented my anger, I go to my room and sleep. My mood is fine when I woke up but my wife doesn’t understand this, she fails to understand me. She places the meal on the table when it’s ready but doesn’t talk to me. When I ask her if she is mad at me she says yes I am mad at you and I won’t talk to you. This makes me angrier and I also get annoyed. The fact is that I don’t want her to leave me. (Faisal. Karachi)
Advise: The thing that should be done is to find out the causes which delay the preparation of meal. Breaking crockery, not controlling anger, being moody and then expecting that is will incur a good effect on the other person and that he will remain in a happy mood as if nothing has happened is impossible. You are expecting too much from your wife. If want this marriage to be fruitful, you will have to control your negative attitude.
Thankfulness and endurance:
After many days of handwork, I left home for interview, I was on my way when it started becoming cloudy, thunderstorm started along heavy rain. My clothes got wet, I was so disheveled, and I had to return home. When my friends came to know, they made fun. I felt they are so insensitive, only I can understand what I went through. Who knows what is written in my destiny? Such a great chance was lost. I continue to think about it. I don’t feel like calling anyone. I am getting more and tenser. (Jamshed, Sialkot)
Advise: Rain, thunderstorms, earthquakes, snowfall are all planned by nature. These scenarios can cause obstruction in every person’s chores and tasks. No one can control it. Therefore it is better to endure and be thankful. In those circumstances which we cannot change, we have to accept. You were going for an interview, who knows you would get the job or not. The issue was uncertain from the start, therefore there is no question of regret. Now search for a job with more enthusiasm. Difficult and unbefitting circumstances become new stairways through which we can reach new heights.
Offer excuse on your mistake: My family says you will degrade us so much so that we won’t be able to face our relatives. My sole mistake is that I have committed to marry a widow who is my colleague. She has two kids, both live in a hostel. She is quite few years older than me. I am not sure how much. Sometimes I feel suffocated with her statements. I also think that her harsh attitude must be the reason her husband died but I feel compelled in front of her and can’t refuse her. (Mohammad Aslam, Lahore) Advise: You started with dislike of your family but infact you are also discontent. How can a relationship based on suffocation, anxiety and pressure be endured. Offer an excuse for your mistake. Many men and women work together in different organizations. The responsibilities can be fulfilled in much better and calm way if domestic issues are not discussed at all.
A bitter feeling:
I started working in an office as a computer operator just after Matric owing to difficult state of affairs at home since 2 years. My friends have passed inter and discuss different universities. I stay quite in front of them as they have progressed far ahead of me. I don’t want to do this petty job all my life but I can’t survive without it. If I become friends with boys of my status I don’t feel this bitterness. (M Iqbal, Peshawar) Advise: Your class fellows are not so ahead, it’s only a gap of 2 years. Start studying in the evening. You will pass intermediate in 2 years. Then get admission in university for evening classes. Plan your carrier while assessing your aptitude. If you adopt a profession which suits your interests and mental capabilities, a better life can be expected because a person is at ease and free from tension if he does what he wants to do.
Psychological patient:
We are two sisters and a brother. He remained fine till 8th grade but after it he would stay out of home for many days without any reason and now he returned after 1 month. My mother is a psychological patient and father is very sick. My elder sister has a job and we make ends meet. Someone said that someone has casted a spell on my brother. One day his friend told us that he has started substance abuse but he has never demanded money from us. His hair are long, clothes are dirty, doesn’t like to eat. I and my sister cry day and night on seeing his condition. (A. Multan) Advise: your brother seems to be a psychiatric patient. He doesn’t care about his attire, doesn’t care about his home or surroundings, and cannot talk properly. All of this implies towards a psychiatric disease of high degree. Such people should not be left on their own. It is also a fact that it is very difficult for both of you to take care of him, provide him treatment and improves his attire. A relative can be of help. Actually severe psychiatric patients are considered untreatable and left on their own. People suffering from severe psychiatric illnesses improve a lot but their treatment goes on for a lengthy period. Majority of them undergo multiple relapses. Whatever the degree of severity, one should not loose hope. One has to put an effort for improvement.
