In our community mothers develop different expectations from their children. According to them others children are well-behaved and good-mannered. And their own children misbehave. This ideology is absolutely wrong.
Daaniyaal, son eat food carefully and do not do anything foolish in front of the guests. Farkhanda begum said to his 2 year old son while trying to advise him. Today the arrival of guests was expected in their house. And they were busy in cooking the food.
Daaniyaal went to play outside after listening to her mother. After a while when she got free of cooking the food she started scolding Daaniyaal when she saw him outside. ”I have cleaned the whole house just now. And you have wasted all of my effort.” A voice of slapping came. Farkhanda begum slapped on his cheek twice. ”You have create a huge problem. You do not let us rest at all. Now this mischief and now that. You have ruined the whole room. Am I a machine that I would keep on working for the whole day? Is there a moment that this child has let me have some rest? If any guests arrive now, how insulting would it be for me that I cannot even keep my house clean.”
Farkhanda begum was talking in her tone. And Daaniyaal was crying continuously. ”Keep quiet, if you raise even a little bit of voice, I would kill you.”
After readjusting the rooms she attended to Daaniyal again. She started to make him quiet. Daaniyaal became scared and kept quiet. Such a scene can be seen in almost any such home where there are small children. And for mothers it is a huge problem to look after the kids and to groom them. And the kids remain busy in disturbing their mother for the whole day. Especially during the initial period along with teaching them, it is important to understand them too. This is overlooked in our society. In reality! When the child starts developing his/her consciousness and starts observing things around him/her, he/she tries to know about them. He takes them in his hand and looks at them attentively so that he/she can develop and awareness about them. But mothers prohibit their children from touching anything. If we observe, mothers work according to this ideology that the things do not become dysfunctional. Or the children may not incur any harm to themselves. But by doing so children do not develop any self confidence in them. And they seek the aid of parents before doing anything. Mothers want that their child to be the most well behaved. In this endeavor they become successful to some extent by scolding or beating the child. But in reality they become a cause for ruining the personality of the child.
Normally the children start learning this in the first years of their lives. But their mind can only work according to their age. Whereas in our society mothers develop different type of expectations from their children. According to them the children of others are well behaved and have better manners. According to them their children are full of insolence and rude behavior. This ideology is indeed wrong. Because how can you expect from a small plant to bear fruit and flowers.
Undue Restrictions and Beating the Children: The time for the children to learn and understand carries on until they become fully conscious in adulthood. That is why expectations should only be developed by keeping the age and mental ability under view. During the first two to three years the child learns many things and acquires many habits from observing his/her surroundings. The child observes the dialect and lifestyle of his/her family members with keen interest. The child behaves and acts according to them. By the time he/she becomes three years old, he/she acquires a complete grasp over the language. During this time period children should be taught good things with love and affection. They should be made aware of prospects and consequences of things. The reason is that because the habits the child acquires during this period of life, they appear to become his/her chronic habits and become ingrained in his/her nature. Too much restrictions and beating can make them stubborn and obstinate. Thus, one should treat children with polite and affectionate behavior. Even if they do something wrong they should be explained nicely. They should also be told about the consequences of their actions.
You should slowly judge the mental capabilities of the children and develop awareness in him/her about the world. Teach him/her about mannerisms concerning gatherings and meeting people, develop an interest in him/her about the religion. Inculcate a habit of sharing things with others. Normally children refrain from sharing their toys with others. Now this depends on you whether you develop manners, fear of Allah while grooming the child or not. When the child becomes able to go to school try to develop good feelings in him/her and develop a sense of punishment for doing bad things in them. Normally this has been seen that when the children do not listen to their mothers, they try to scare them. By doing so that thing develops as a phobia in the mind of the child. And he fears that thing till the end of his/her life. Sometimes this fear and phobia becomes a cause for making the child coward. And the children hesitate from doing anything. Like this they linger far behind their age fellows. To teach discipline to the children is not a strange thing. But to make them weak by scolding them is a bad thing. Like this not only the personality of the child is affected, rather it becomes a difficulty for the child in the future too.
Normally the children try to do each and everything from which they are prohibited. But if you make the child aware of the disadvantages of that, he/she will refrain from it.
